The words that have a magical spell
‘Please,
Thank you, You are welcome and I am sorry’
Vanam Jwala
Narasimha Rao
The Hans
India (21-04-2024)
{The
‘Building Blocks’ of proper etiquette and good manners comprise four magic
words. They are, ‘Please, Thank you, You are Welcome, and I am Sorry.’ If these
words and phrases are imparted to children at an early age, they then continue
to use them throughout their life. They would realise that by using ‘Thank You,
Please, and Sorry’ it helps to ‘Build Relationships of Trust and
Understanding.’ They will also understand that the power of these words helps
people feel valued and respected} - Editor
I very well
remember, that, my Brother-in-Law Dr AV Manohar Rao, a pediatrician, on his
return from United Kingdom way back in 1975, after staying four years there, telling
me about his elder brother and friends’ advise to him the next minute he landed
at London Airport. They said that, in UK one should invariably start
conversation with the word ‘Please’ and end with ‘Thank You.’ He scrupulously
remembered this, and at least 50 times a day did it. Right from the Cab Driver
to the Steward at restaurant, Hospital Supporting Staff etc. saying ‘Please’
and ‘Thank You’ was his routine. 50 years after he left UK, in India too, he does
it.
Expressing gratefulness
is part of Indian culture too from time immemorial. The ‘Dhanyavaad,’ a more
formal way of ‘Thank You’ and used to connote an extra special feeling of
gratitude, such as receiving ‘Benefit’ or ‘Help’ as well as when speaking to an
elder or an authority figure, has been an accepted Indian Tradition. ‘Namaste’
is the ‘Traditional Indian Greeting’ by way of slight bow or a hand gesture
where the palms are pressed together in front of the chest. Whether the Indian
way or the foreign way, not only this politeness, but other etiquettes, are
seldom adhered by many these days. For some expressing ‘Thanks’ is an odd thing
and below prestige. They ‘Rarely Remember the Help,’ and feel it as ‘Birth
Right’!!!
The ‘Building
Blocks’ of proper etiquette and good manners comprise of four magic words. They
are, ‘Please, Thank you, You are Welcome, and I am Sorry.’ Only when these
words and phrases are imparted to children at an early age, and ‘Catch them
Young’ then, they continue using them
throughout their life. They would
realize that by using ‘Thank You, Please, and Sorry’ it helps to ‘Build Relationships
of Trust and Understanding.’ They will also understand that the power of these
words helps people feel valued and respected.
Among these, the most
important one, ‘Thank You’ itself is not just enough to show the beneficiary’s appreciation
fully. It adds emphasis by saying, ‘I could not have done it without you,
Thanks for having my back, Thanks for looking out for me, I owe you, Thanks for
being such Amazing Person, This means a lot to me’ etc. Saying ‘Thank You’ shall
boost morale, and create a positive atmosphere. It improves one’s own
well-being, as gratitude is linked to happiness and life satisfaction. The
other positive benefit of ‘Thank You’ is in the ‘Law of Reciprocity.’ When
people hear ‘Thank you,’ the first thing they want to do in return, is to
reciprocate and say ‘Thank You’ back. The reason is, intrinsic in everyone, is
the ‘Law of Reciprocity’ that is, when someone does something, the recipient, feeling
obligated to reciprocate. This too is absent in today’s scenario in general and
particularly in politicians.
The word ‘Please’
entered English language in the early 13th century from Old French ‘Plaisir'
meaning ‘To give pleasure or satisfy.’ In the 14th century the
meaning changed ‘To Delight’ and again in the 15th century the
meaning became ‘To be Pleased.’ Frequently saying ‘Please’ and ‘Thank You’
began to take hold during the ‘Commercial Revolution’ of the 16th and
17th centuries, in late Middle Ages in Europe, among middle classes.
‘Please and
Thank You’ are expressions of appreciation, gratitude, politeness, and
recognition for someone's efforts or kindness. They are often used in
conversation to demonstrate respect for the person being addressed. They are needed
for ‘Good Manners’ in every communication. In a professional setting, though
they may seem like simple and small gestures, they hold immense value, besides
having a huge impact on the overall satisfaction of guests as well as professionalism.
‘Please’ is
a sign of respect and is used while making a request. Derived from the phrase ‘If
You Please’ or ‘If it please(s) you,’ the term has taken on significant gradation
based on its pitch and the relationship between the persons between whom it is
used. But one should remember that, ‘Please and Thank you’ means that someone is
asking someone for a favor, and in anticipation of ‘that it is likely to be
done,’ thanking in advance for their help is the minimum courtesy. At least
thanking after the favor is least obligation! But how many among us realize
this, is the million-door question, and no answer! In the absence this
etiquette, it is but natural that it may seem rude to the person who did favor.
An
interesting book ‘The Berenstain Bears Say Please and Thank You’ by Jan and
Mike Berenstain illustrates a clear message in it. The message is: ‘If the Berenstain Bears can
do it, your kids can too! The Berenstain Bears know that it is always best to
be polite.’ Another great book ‘365 Thank Yous’ describes how a man wrote a ‘Thank
You Card’ every day for a year and how it completely turned his life around. It
is worth trying and emulating at least by politicians.
Similarly,
according to Oliver Young, in his article 'The Power in Thank You, Please and
Sorry,’ sincerity implicitly and profoundly understood. The power of these
phrases will only be evident if they are said with sincerity and with real
intent. When the sincerity is real, possibilities of greater ability to connect
with persons around, build better teams, and create longer, more fulfilling
relationships are better. According to Rhonda Scharf, ‘Please’ and ‘Thank You’
are simple words, and yet it seems that most people do not use them enough.
Basic etiquette is often missing in society, in both personal lives as well as
professional ones!
Gratitude
is the ability to see value in others. When gratitude is received from someone,
it is highly valued, and appreciated. It brings joy and connection. It is the
bad habit of many, who often fail to express their gratitude for others, and
surprisingly on the pretext of ‘Convenient Forgetting’ that comes ‘Handy’ to
such people. Gratitude is the feeling
that allows everyone to be perceptive of others and the good they bring into one’s
life. One of the best ways to spread ‘Gratitude’ is identify people (not many!)
speaking ‘Good and Positively Behind Other’s Backs’ which is opposite of gossip,
to consciously encourage and support him or her.
There is
great power in saying ‘I am sorry.’ A sincere apology is the ability to
effectively empathize with someone. Apologizing allows everyone to change the
direction of a relationship and it says with certainty that the person cares
about the other person. ‘Sorry’ is often seen under the light of weakness or
defeat which is incorrect. The ability to sincerely apologize shows empathy,
seeing other’s points of view, and reflecting on situations.
These are
all ‘Important Traits of a Leader’ too. Expressing an apology does not mean wrong
is done, or victory to others. The most powerful part of an apology is the
ability for people to feel that one cares more about his or her relationship
with others, than the current situation being faced together. When one says ‘I
am sorry,’ he or she is effectively saying that they care about this
relationship.
Witnessing
large number of politicians ‘Day in and Day out’ defecting from one party to
other, after enjoying power, and harshly blaming the leader of former party, for
their ‘Unethical Act’ is the most ‘Thankless Job’ and ‘Peak of
‘Ungratefulness.’ Neglecting small things, leading to developing poor habits, by
not saying ‘Please and Thank you’ by displaying respect, may cost a lot in
one’s life.
Hence, Let
Us remember the ‘Magic Words’ ‘Please, Thank you, You are
welcome and I am sorry.’
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